Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize