Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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