Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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