It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
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lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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