he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will be naked everywhere
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize