you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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