..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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