I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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