Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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