just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize