did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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