Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
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DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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