you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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