one might say we're banned from that church
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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