I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
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So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
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If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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