so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
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He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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