what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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