a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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