i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
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