I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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