Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize