And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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