we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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