I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
People in love make me want to vomit
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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