We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
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I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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