i may or may not be watching the land before time
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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