i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
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don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
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I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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