Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize