She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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