why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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