I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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