Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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