we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize