Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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