Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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