So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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