i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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