I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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