My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Don't make out with my wife yet
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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