im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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