I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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