I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
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You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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