my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
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Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
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After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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