Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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