You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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