I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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