Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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