You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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