He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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