I want to have your abortion
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
