My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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