please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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